I think I'll ask Shirley Temple to the prom...

Dear Chinahoor*,

Quackity-Ding-Dong-Shit?! What the foomanchoo is your basic malfunction? Did your circuit breaker catch a virus and crash? You fuck-me-stiletto skanky ass flat chested cottaging* sluttard. Really?! REALLY?!?!? Your cranium musta fell into a nasty batch of whore acid. Fucking slutmuffin. Twatwaffle. Jiz-Tacofalcon semen sniffer. Go stick a fail dildo up your USB port.

I swear Zou, Jashin, Budda, Sasuke and God--when you touch me, it's like dousing an open wound in Ajax*. Your flagards a fucking flit. Fuck Freakazoid. Fuck im...Fuck im! I didn't realize I'd get along with Fargo till today. Till he started pill poppin to pop of you you passive aggessive pussy ass prick.

Anywhoo...I'm so glad you came to Levity last week. Your baby sis is super cute! Unlike you. Blackwidow bitch. I ker pwn your ass. I hope Freakazoid pops your rock candy so hard your shit rips and your whore dam pukes tabascco* sauce all over his twizzler stick.

--LOVE UCHI<3

ps: That thing you lost? I totally stole that.

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Dear Pearl,

I wanna fuck you.

Naw. I kid-I kid... I'd be happy if we could be all talky-talky bestie-bestie ask me to the prom and I'll jerk off to that dress you're wearing instead of pissing out purple Gatorade {eww} like I said I would right after we slow dance that song Ravens dad got arresed to. I also wouldn't mind a pretty smile on that pretty little face you have. Gosh you're pretty....

I wanna skip to the academy holding hands like we did that time I walked you home after it rained. I wanna hold you close to me...Such a cutie princess.

Sugarpopbubblegumpumpkinpie.

Ahhh..You're like the Queen from Candyland. And I do believe I'd make a bichin' king to your queen. Ah yes.. Together we would keep the kindom sugar high on our love <3

Heh..heheh...This sounds a tad creepy...Heh..Fuck it.

I got it bad.

--LOVE UCHI<3

ps: You rock my socks Pearls. Like the God damn Rolling Stones.

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May 22, 2009

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I skipped out on the academy today. Not that the Empress could have seen through my decepion. I'm like Houlden Caulfield when it comes to shit like that. Mai skills man..I got mad of em. I didn't get to see Pearl though. Which sucks ass. And my mind decided to fill the void lef behind by a lack of algebra with the excess memories of my precious Pearly that my heart can't hold. It's gettin' kinda full in there... It sucks to know she's probably with Chairman. In fact... It pracically steams my shit. Argh.. Please stop being mad at me Pearls....

Spending the next few days up at the Cabin with Ravens family. They redecorated the place recently and it KICKS ASS. Shatner didn't show up for a while cuz the fool got arrested, {again} which is more hilarious then it sounds. He's such a jerk.

Fargo called earlier, bitchin about Chinahoor*and how she sucks blah-blah. Geez..Get over it! She cheated on me too dude! .....actually..she cheated on me with you.

I feel like having a hastily made sandwich...

Actually..I really wanna head down to Sugar Castle to hang with Pearls....then make a sandwich..or two..

Prom today. I'd ask one of my girls to go but I doubt they'd go. You see..My girls have a strict 'no fun' policy. Fuck..it..I'll go next year...snag a prostitute or something.

Dancing or no dancing, I'll still end up spending 500 bucks.
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*cottaging--having sex in bathroom stalls
*Ajax--cleaning agent. btw--this would BURN


Final Thoughts: I hate Gatorade.